How Deep the Father's Love for us

Mr Tumnus

2007-06-06T09:46:00.000-07:00

Apparently, according to this quiz, I'm Mr. Tumnus.

You scored as Mr. Tumnus,

Mr. Tumnus

90%

Lucy Pevensie

83%

Edmund Pevensie

73%

Mr. Beaver

70%

Susan Pevensie

64%

Aslan

57%

Peter Pevensie

57%

Ginarrbrik

47%

The White Witch

43%

Mrs. Beaver

37%

Oreius

30%

Which Chronicles of Narnia character are you most like?
created with QuizFarm.com

Coming soon to a theatre near you

2007-05-30T08:34:00.000-07:00

Went into the theatre twice in the past 3 days.

Operating theatre, that is.

And I felt scared. It's scary that in 4 years time, it'll be me poking needles into veins, intubating patients, pushing down LMA tubes, and pushing anaesthetic drugs/cutting them up. I actually got to see all of that stuff going on, and do some of the drug prep and pushing the LMA tube in and opening an airway and putting a patient to sleep.

In the theatre, mistakes could mean the difference between life and death.

It scares me, and I need a hug right now.

Any takers?

The Lily

2007-05-17T06:10:00.001-07:00

How art thou, thou busy little bee?

I found the rose but my eyes see grey
it showed it's thorns to me
i smelt but what i knew
turned out to be a mockery

I flew around, wishing to fill
my nose, my stomach with the sweet
sweet nectar that was promised me
but alas was my nose blocked and i had not
the perfect rose to meet.

Yet as I asked of the Creator's plan
to make the bees thus attracted to the flowers
that show them disdain even to mock
at the strange beauty that love had made

He answered look to the lilies
look how they do not spin
yet finely created they are as you
just that you do not realise it.

Perhaps you miss the point
and long for something which is not meant
to be yours

Perhaps little bee, you are meant to be
a messenger, to show others the way
by which they must tread to find
the field full of lilies.

This is my bad attempt at poetry... I like it's meaning though.

Compare

2007-05-03T10:31:00.001-07:00

September 06

APRIL 07!!

Haha this just invites people to post about my long hair. Bla bla bla bla bla long hair bla bla cut bla bla bla.

I've heard enough.

Think of something innovative to say.

Just came across this old picture from September 06 in Alison's facebooky accounty.

Good times.

Rhabdomyolysis

2007-05-02T08:57:00.000-07:00

Rhabdomyolysis is a consequence of crushing of muscle, for example in trauma. It results in the breakdown of myocytes, or muscle cells, releasing the myoglobin in them, which is dissolved into the bloodstream. The risk here is that the soluble myoglobin may precipitate in the kidney, leading to acute renal failure. Features of rhabdomyolysis are increased plasma CK, and increased plasma Calcium ions from the Calcium ions stored in the sarcoplasmic reticulum of the myocytes. The increased Ca2+ causes fatigue, confusion and nausea. Abnormal heart rhythms can result, some of which may be fatal if untreated, like Atrial Fibrillation.

I didn't know it was THAT serious when I got it as a result of being hospitalized for my nation 2 years ago.

I don't think people who scold me for "not being "patriotic"" understand the seriousness of what happened. To them, it's a line in a lecture presentation. It was much more real for me. But all the same, I have to forgive from my heart.

For Jesus forgave those who nailed Him to the cross, intentionally.

I will hope that what happened to me was unintentional. If my Lord and Master could forgive such an injustice, then surely I should strive to do the same.

It's not easy, mind you.

Love for Jesus

2007-04-30T02:40:00.001-07:00

What if you were so in love with Jesus that all the petty cares of this world, all the selfish ambition of the hearts of men, all the pride that we so easily take upon our backs, all of which can serve to choke depress and disturb us..

All of these things fade into the background...

Lost in wonder and lost in love, lost in praise forevermore.

For what He has done for us.

"Consider the lilies: they do not weave or spin, yet your heavenly Father clothes them."

As long as the sun shines, the skies are blue, there is green grass upon this earth, the birds sing praises to God our Father, who created all of it.

http://youngpapblog.blogpsot.com/

2007-04-17T17:00:00.001-07:00

http://youngpapblog.blogpsot.com/

yet I will rejoice in the LORD

2007-04-17T08:00:00.001-07:00

Habbakuk Chapter 3

17 Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,

18 yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.

19 The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights.
For the director of music. On my stringed instruments.

Landscapes!

2007-04-16T13:58:00.000-07:00

Norht Berwick
Tired from DotA.
Random Bagpiper guy on Princes Street with Gabby n me.
The mists of Scotland!
Actually, the view from my window on Friday.

Landscapes

2007-04-12T17:44:00.000-07:00

I Love Landscapes!

Till I see YOu

2007-04-06T09:33:00.000-07:00

The greatest love that anyone could ever know
That overcame the cross and grave to find my soul
And till I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in You

With all I am I'll live to see Your kingdom come
And in my heart I pray You'd let Your will be done
And till I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in You

I will live to love You
I will live to bring You praise
I will live a child in awe of You

You are a voice that called the universe to be
You are the whisper in my heart that speaks to me
And till I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in you

You alone are God of all
You alone are worthy Lord
And with all I am my soul will bless Your name

I feel ashamed of the amount of anger I read over my blog... I've got some stick from circumstances, but that's not reason to get so angry...

Charlie Brown 07

2007-04-05T16:56:00.000-07:00

When I read my blog of '06, it seems that I'm reading the blog of a total stranger. I can't recognise what I'm writing. But what I write sometimes serves to remind me of what God has blessed me with, and how much I have to be grateful for.

I realise something from my Charlie Brown post. The reason why Charlie Brown never tells the girl with red pigtails is not cos he's a coward, it's cos he KNOWS he has no chance, and therefore is relegated to longing. BUT he's wise because he doesn't hurt himself by banging his head against the wall and destroying the outlandish hope that something may happen.

Edinburgh

2007-04-05T16:22:00.000-07:00

It was exactly one year ago that I received the offer from Edinburgh, the confirmation of a miracle that God was working in my life, and which gave me the faith that my God is real, my God is powerful, and my God LOVES me.

How deep the Father's love for us

How vast beyond all measure

That He should give His only Son

To make a wretch His treasure

I will nost boast in anything

No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward
I cannot give an answerBut this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom!
The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want...
He maketh me lie down on green pastures...

And I am so grateful for all that He has done this past year,

from getting me into Edinburgh

and letting me stay in Edinburgh

settling the whole NS thing

bringing me through an exam

a trip to London and Cambridge

A new year I never thought I would see

a rejection

a clinical options project

a trip to Ireland and Wales.

O God, I do not know what the future holds: but I do know one thing--you are never far away from me. Forgive me my sins, and cleanse me from unrighteousness. In Jesus' name.

This is amazing. I just realised that this is the answer to my prayer to be more grateful to God.

God is Good

2007-02-21T16:27:00.000-08:00

Recipe for enjoying yourself in Edinburgh:

1) Have a half day
2) Have a nice dinner--admittedly, the dorm food isn't too good, but it's OK.
3) Have a watch of the match that you've always been wanting to see... your favourite team comes from behind as underdogs to beat last season's champions of Europe... doesn't get much better than that!
4) During half time, go to a friend's room, share half a bottle of red wine left over from the bottle of red wine we bought last night at Tesco's
5) Go back and finish watching Liverpool kick ass
6) Feel hungry, so go out with friend for Italian food! Lovely Al Dente pasta with tomato and basil.
7) Top it all off with a bit of Italian ice cream!
8) Walk back to warm dorm room
9) Have a full day off tomorrow!!

Of course, in this world nothing's perfect, but this is the most perfect day ever to receive a rejection.

Ang Moh society is very open

2007-02-12T15:55:00.000-08:00

This really happened...

Today, i attended a Edinburgh Student Surgical Society talk on gut tube development and congenital defects, supposed to be at "room G4, Royal College of Surgeons of Edinburgh".

I didn't know quite where it was, but you should know that the "RCSEd" is looks like a museum. as in it says "museum" on the entrance, and details entrance charges to go in. So I thought that the talk was in the small building adjoining the RCSEd, which has a big sign saying "RCSEd quincentenary development programme". I went to the only open doorway and climbed up the staircase 2 levels.

There was a woman who opened a door for me and pointed me to this room with a BED in it and said "just wait in there the girls will be along in a minute". I was in the process of asking her "is the lecture here?" when it suddenly HIT me.

SHE WAS A PIMP!!

yucks.

I said "oh sorry where's the RCSEd? I need to go there..." I was protected by God I believe... If not I'd never have escaped... She let me out and said "it's next door" and i quickly made my exit... The funny thing was that after I'd gone down one level a 30 something guy came and pointed me to the museum. I didn't think much of it until he went back into the same dodgy building... then i realised HE may have been the CLIENT....

This really happened. And to those idiots who may say "aiya Hian Liang you so horny I KNOW you stayed on lah don't lie" I DIDN'T HAVE THE MONEY TO PAY ANYWAY COS I ONLY CARRY 10 POUNDS. hah!

Anyway, that's not the end of it.

When the talk was over (it was excellent, btw... far better than the silly lectures on health promotion I'd been having) I came out and waited for the bus to take me back to Pollock Halls, where I'm staying. I was watching these two drunk girls staggering around. That's how I knew they were drunk. I also knew they were underage drunk cos they were short. And they got drunk, which is a stupid thing to do.

They came up to me and one of them asked me "do you want to shag? i want to shag...let's do it right here out in the open! I like it!"then the other one was about to throw herself onto me, but she was stopped by the first girl, who kept asking me that, and asked me whether I understood what she was saying. I confess a mischievous streak took me then and I said "let's go get a room lah" I had NO intention of getting shagged by an obviously underage drunk girl, and I knew she was too drunk to think so if I opposed her she wouldn't do anything stupid... But now I think about it... It really was God's providence protecting me... Because I admit I WAS tempted, but only for a moment... in the end she just said "at least give me a hug" and I did and walked away.

I met the professor who gave the talk and talked to him a bit... He said "I don't trust those people" (cos the drunk girls' drunk Ned friends had come, both guys and girls... I think they went off for some mass orgy after that) and we walked to the next bus stop, where he got another bus from me...

All in all, quite a strange night.

Ang Mohs are HORNY.

Snow! Snow! Snow!

2007-02-07T15:47:00.000-08:00

I love snow... It makes things quieter.

Mainly cos the stupid ang mohs outside my window can't make as much noise when they come home from their late night drinking sexcapades...Not the people in this picture though... they're my Lee House small group... without the girls, of course.

Life is strange.

When I called Paul today about the arrangements, he asked:"you're not doing this for anyone else right?" My card is full of shit. I don't know how she'll read it. It's full of garbagery and i've never been smooth.

Interesting that he should ask that question. But now it may be harder to double because doubling means if you win, you get double the points, but if you lose, you lose double. I guess it just shows insecurity. But we'll leave it at that. I think smart people out there will figure out what I'm not trying to say and scold me for it. Whatever.

The snow was lying on the ground today... was playing snowballs... made me happy. I like endorphins... Snow blankets things. haha that sounds bimbotic. i'm typing rubbish lalalalala...

It's quite stupid how I'm not wanting to go to sleep while when I wake up the first thing I want to do is go back to sleep. Darn!

Ang moh girls have got big arms. Strange that they seem to like wearing sleeveless. Oh wait actually not really that much. Cos it's too cold. Darn! what rubbish am I thinking about?

I'm blessed. Look at Mr Skeleton man two years ago. I remember it was about this period too.

Bad. Memories.

Fail I alone, in words and deeds? Why, all men strive and who succeeds?

2007-01-08T15:40:00.000-08:00

Fail I alone, in words and deeds? Why, all men strive and who succeeds?

Two lefts do not make a right... but three do.

I am blessed beyond most... Taking medicine, in Edinburgh, with warm clothing, with God to thank for all... Good friends like Wen Jie... I got ur card already... Thanks so much! U'll definitely have a blast in Monash... Go skiing some day...

In all this world, You're all that's true, I'll ALWAYS STAND FOR YOU

Jesus, I call out 'cause I'm sorry
Because I fall so short of your glory
To the best of my ability
I'm practicing humility
And I lay myself before
'Cause less is more

All that I have, I lay before
With my pride on the floor
Cos to you less is more

Jesus, you love me so much, that you fill me again...

Take away love and our earth is a tomb.

I pour myself out
before you O Lord
I hold nothing back, 'cause to you less is more

People see religion as a crutch, something that "strong people" don't need, and only the weak minded like perhaps yours truly have to use. Well, Fail I alone, in words and deeds? Why, all men strive and who succeeds?

What is success?

I think now I've sort of seen more of the culture here, I've kind of let go of all the selfish ambition that I've harboured in my heart so long... I think it doesn't matter if I'm a GP, Psychologist, Cardiologist, or Surgeon... The distinction in my mind is drawn by the bottom line of a bank statement. What can I say? If I claim to be without sin, I have lied, because I have already put money ahead of God's provision, and put my own selfish desires above God's purposes for my life.

Success, in the long term, is to hear God say on the last day, "well done good and faithful servant"

Jesus, I plead
Please purify me
Make my heart clean
Drench me with your mercy

All that I have, I lay before
With my pride on the floor
Cos to you less is more

They will chase me out, and close me down, but Jesus, I STAND FOR YOU!

Twelfth Night

2007-01-05T03:17:00.000-08:00

I love thee so, that maugre all thy pride,
Nor wit nor reason can my passion hide.
Do not extort thy reasons from this clause,
For that I woo, thou therefore hast no cause;
But rather reason thus with reason fetter:
Love sought is good, but given unsought is better.
- Olivia

Rosslyn Chapel

2006-12-13T08:18:00.000-08:00

In the courtyard of Rosslyn Chapel, a few miles from Edinburgh. Rosslyn Chapel is the place where the final sequence of the "Da Vinci Code" was shot, where they "discovered" "Mary's" "tomb". It is a lovely historical Church, with lots of carven niches and stained glass, and all the typical medieval Church features.

This is a stained glass window in the Church depicting the medieval builder of the Church.

A carving in the stone arches in the Church depicts the seven deadly sins and the seven acts of kindness, one of which is "heal the sick". Which is what I will do, hopefully, God willing, and with God's help. That is the reason why I chose to study medicine. To heal the sick, both spiritually and physically.

The roof of the Church is adorned with lots of carvings of lilies, roses, stars, and angels, and the face of Jesus Christ raising His hand in blessing hidden among them. Very impressive. There is a story, however, associated with the masons who carved the building. The apprentice who learnt from the master mason carved a pillar that was more impressive than the master, with trappings that curled around the pillar like the tendrils of a vine, having been inspired by a dream. However, the master, like Cain, was consumed with envy and struck his apprentice with a mallet, killing him. Envy has dangerous consequences.
In the middle of the picture, slightly to the right, is an angel playing bagpipes, the instrument of Scotland. I don't know why God chose to place me in Scotland just yet, but I'm sure He has a plan!

The front of the Church, with its majestic stained glass windows, and arches. incidentally, the Church is built without using nails, just using the physics of arches etc to hold the entire building up. Respect.
On the wall of the corner of the Church is St. John the Evangelist, with his eagle. I only know it is him through reading Tintin comics, specifically "Red Rackham's Treasure".
Typical Scottish/English countryside. It looks bleak, but beautifully unspoiled. Very charming, in it's way.
3 trees, standing bare in the courtyard.

A view of the top of the Church. In recent years, from 1996 onwards, a metal roof has been erected over the top of the roof of the Church because people had whitewashed the inside of the stones of the Church and so trapped the damp in the stones. Restoration projects are underway...

More views from the metal structure of the second story stained glass windows of the Church.

The other two Singaporeans doing medicine at Edinburgh. Both got into NUS, which is good, cos I'm humbled. They rejected NUS, by the way. Sherman, are you as pissed as I was at first?

The view of the countryside from the second storey. It's nice. I hope you like... I was freezing in the wind, that's why my smile looks so frozen...

The entrance to the basement room where "Mary's" "body" was "interred".
Into the room.
Inside the room... Look familiar? I dunno haha... I'm not a Da Vinci Code fan... By the way, my scarf is the clan colours of William Wallace, who longed for freedom from an oppressive government, as do I.

Knights Templar cross. The Knights Templar was a very interesting group of people. I wish I could've joined... But I probably wouldn't be much of a warrior, so I guess I'd have stuck to managing their finances...
Dunno what on earth this stupid thing is showing... maybe that's why it's stuck in the basement.
Out of the room.

Outside the Church, there's this giant memorial thingus

that has the following poem inscribed around its base.

Not brass or stone
these will corrode and someday die
but love alone laughs at decay
and soars on high to fragrant immortality

Not stone or brass
these perish with the flight of time
and quickly pass
but love endues in every clime
eternal as the poet's rhyme.

God's love is eternal, and with us always. It was shown 2006 years ago when He sent His only begotten son into the world to show us the full extent of His love, to save us from our sins.

Safe safe at last, from doubt, from storm, from strife
Moored in the depths of Christ's unfathomed grace
With spirits of just, the dear ones lost
And found again, this strange ineffable life,
Is Life eternal. Death has here no place
And they are welcomed best who suffered most.
I love Edinburgh. I love God, and thank Him for getting me here.

EUMM Christmas concert 2006

2006-12-10T14:25:00.000-08:00

Today I played violin in an orchestra in a concert for the first time ever... My eyes are closed because the flash was too bright... The first really meaningful thing I've done in Edinburgh, cos it was a Christmas concert... But it was real fun too, not like I was forced to do it...

I'll definitely play again next year... I just wish I was more pro at violin... I've discovered the fun in playing really meaningful songs, not stupid technical but not nice classical pieces...

Sonnet 35

2006-12-04T10:39:00.000-08:00

That thou hast her, it is not all my grief,
And yet it may be said I loved her dearly;
That she hat thee is of my wailing chief,
A loss in love that touches me more nearly.
Loving offenders, thus I will excuse ye,
thou dost love her, because thou know'st I love her,
And for my sake even so doth she abuse me,
Suff'ring my friend for my sake to approve her.
If I lose thee, my loss is my love's gain,
And losing her, my friend hath found that loss;
Both find each other, and I lose both twain,
And both for my sake lay on me this cross.
But here's the joy, my friend and I are one;
Sweet flattery, then she loves but me alone.

People should not be afraid of their governments,
Governments should be afraid of their people.
I enjoy routine as much as any bloke/
but all they demanded in return was your abject submission/
the fear has become their tool/
a fear of being overtaken by Malaysia/
a fear of losing the material "edge" enjoyed by so few/
and so textbooks are printed to show the "perilous" state of my country/
to co-erce my countrymen's cowering support.

Repentence

2006-11-06T15:33:00.000-08:00

God can forgive even those most vile amongst us: me.

I cannot consider myself any more righteous than any of my brothers. I have sinned, and sinned deeply. Even if I have told a white lie, or I have stolen 50 cents from my parents, or I have hated in my heart, they are ALL still sins. The only difference between the rest of us and a murderer is that the murderer got caught.

ORD Loh

2006-11-03T16:49:00.000-08:00

Edinburgh architecture, both God-made and man-made, is really nice... I wonder though, what the purpose of me being here is. Women, when they pass on, wish to know that everything is safe, their family is taken care of, and their children will have a future. Knowing this, they can pass on in peace.

Men, on the other hand, normally would like to see whether their life has had meaning.

What is the meaning in this? Is it to prepare me for something? Or is it something in itself? Why do I have to be here alone? Do I have a hope and a future? Sometimes my future seems unbelievably lonely.

But fear not, says Christ, for I have overcome the world. The world desires that you fit into a certain mould, if not, it says, u cannot be happy. But Joy comes from the Lord, and is a fruit of the Holy Spirit.

Sometimes I wonder whether I will ever catch up to the time where I'm enjoying myself where I am. Or will I always be waiting...waiting...waiting... like for ORD... and when the time finally comes, another new challenge comes up, and I wish for the end of it...

Will I ever be happy alone? I believe I have to learn to be... I walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever known... Don't know where it goes, but it's only me and I walk alone...

My Shallow heart's the only thing that's beating... Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me...'Til then I walk alone.

Why do we judge people so quickly? Why are we so quick to dismiss some, and so eager to please others? What is this war within nature? Why are some stuck in a miserable existence, while others though rich cannot find happiness? What is the meaning in all of this?

Why are some accepted, and others not?

As I ORD, I realise that life has been quite kind to me, just that I didn't know how to appreciate it at the times where it has been the kindest.

Whenever people ask me about the army, it's always about the combat life, which I so poorly did. I remember the funny things, but the trauma still sticks...

What is it that my talent is?

2006-11-02T17:16:00.000-08:00

This confirms what 2 years of brain numbing has done to me... I painted my face with eyeliner... At first the effect was very cool, like Green Day the lead singer... but then i tried to paint my lips black with eyeliner (it's called EYEliner) and ended up looking like a muslim terrorist without a turban...

Then I proceeded to get tipsy at the stupid Halloween party and told some people some things that I should never have said at all... What on EARTH am i doing... It's bad, this drinking bullshit... Bollocks to it yeah...

Aye, it's a wee bit unsettling.

Oh and to top it all off, my fingernails are painted black.

I got a new shirt today

2006-10-24T01:55:00.000-07:00

Henry says "YAY I got a new white shirt today!" and Liang says "YAY I ORD in 3 days time!"

The Father's Love

2006-10-07T04:08:00.000-07:00

The face which a newborn recognises almost instinctively is that of its mother. This is because when the newborn soils itself, the face of its mother appears in front of it when the mother is clearing away the mess, and when the newborn is hungry, it sees its mother's face while feeding.

If a stranger were to appear in front of the baby, he would naturally feel uncomfortable. This stands to reason as well, as strangers more likely than not will pinch their cheeks and coo and try to play peekaboo.

Thus, for 3 months, the infant lives in absolute security, trusting totally in the face of his mother.

However, after 3 months, there's a change.

One fine day, his mother bundles him up and says "we're going out today!" He's still comfortable, because he still can see his mother's face.

The mother brings him to a guy in a white labcoat - a stranger. The child is beginning to feel uncomfortable; but he still can see his mother's face in the window, and he thinks "no way is mum going to let this stranger do anything to me..."

The man in the white labcoat now takes out this menacing looking thing. The infant stares hard at his mother, willing her to do something to protect him against this stranger. The infant still has confidence that his mother will stop the stranger from harming him, but is increasingly nervous at the sight of the needle.

However, before he knows it, the child is face down, and he feels the cold of the needle before a piercing pain in the buttocks. OUCH! WHY HASN'T MUM PROTECTED ME??

He can still see his mother's face in the window, but his eyes fill with tears. Why has mother left me to be tortured by this stranger??

Mum takes him in her arms and cradles him, whispering soft words of comfort. "Son, let me tell you about diphtheria. It is a upper respiratory tract infection characterised by sore throat, low-grade fever and an adherent membrane (pseudomembrane) on tonsils, nose or pharynx. Diphtheria is a highly contagious disease spread by direct physical contact or breathing the aerosolized secretions of infected individuals. What's happened is that they injected you with the DPT vaccine, which is to cause your adaptive immune system's B cells to develop immunological memory of the Diphtheria antigen so that the next time the antigen enters your body antibodies specific to it will be produced quicker and in larger numbers." (acknowledgement: "Diphtheria", "DPT Vaccine", Wikipedia)

I'm sure that if u were that infant, u'd understand what your mother just said. I didn't understand what it's talking about at first either. I doubt ur mother would have said something like that at all... It'd probably be more like "there there mummy's here" or something.

This is an answer to why "bad things sometimes happen to good people". Would you understand if God explained His plan to you when you weren't ready for it? I know I wouldn't... but HE is STILL THERE! It may sound cliche, but the bad things may turn out for your own good.

God still cares and loves you, just like the mother still loves and cares for her son. And although things may seem bad now, He is actually still there, actually just testing and growing your faith.

Thank God

2006-10-02T13:12:00.000-07:00

So all's well... I thank God that He has come through for me, as always.

All the people i met there seemed to be placed there for a reason. They were all lovely Scotsmen... I realise something weird... Scotsmen are friendlier than scotswomen...

There's Dr McCormick, who's a real brick of a guy (haha my language corrupting liao), who allowed me to come a week late, and Dr Duvall, who's an example of real scot courtesy, opening doors and going beyond what he is duty bound to do as my Director of Studies.

God Bless Edinburgh. God Bless Dr McCormick and Dr Duvall too.

My skin's better too... I was real worried that I'd have to spend 6 years with rashes on my axilla and elbows and upper chest and neck... thank God for curing me and sending me to the right doctor...

God Bless the NHS 24 service.

All this makes me want to leave Singapore for greener pastures in the UK or elsewhere. Especially when they just come up with new rules to snook me, but thank God for the magnanimity of the University of Edinburgh!

Call me a quitter. But if what I'm trying to do is banging my head on the wall, then by all means, i AM a quitter.

The Nightingale and the Rose

2006-09-19T19:18:00.000-07:00

She said that she would dance with me if I brought her red roses," cried the young Student; "but in all my garden there is no red rose."

And so the nightingale, moved by his great love, pressed herself against the thorn of the barren rose tree, whilst singing the song of the birth of passion in the soul of a man and a maid. And so the tree produced a red rose, redder than all the roses of the spring. The nightingale died, with a long thorn in her heart.

And at noon the Student opened his window and looked out.

"Why, what a wonderful piece of luck!" he cried; "here is a red rose! I have never seen any rose like it in all my life. It is so beautiful that I am sure it has a long Latin name"; and he leaned down and plucked it.

Then he put on his hat, and ran up to the Professor's house with the rose in his hand.

The daughter of the Professor was sitting in the doorway winding blue silk on a reel, and her little dog was lying at her feet.

"You said that you would dance with me if I brought you a red rose," cried the Student. "Here is the reddest rose in all the world. You will wear it tonight next your heart, and as we dance together it will tell you how I love you."

But the girl frowned.

"I am afraid it will not go with my dress," she answered; "and, besides, the Chamberlain's nephew has sent me some real jewels, and everybody knows that jewels cost far more than flowers."

From Oscar Wilde. Touche.

Demotivators

2006-09-04T15:34:00.000-07:00

It's true... The harder I seem to want something, the dumber I look and the more it eludes me... I wanted NUS Medicine so bad... but didn't get it... I wanted to get all the scholarship interviews... but I didn't... those that I didn't want and I knew I didn't want yielded two days of off each... I still LOVE skiing tho... Well...I do suppose that I did get Edinburgh, which was what I wanted... God's will be done... He gives me what I need, not what I want... I just don't see how some people can think that EVERY single thing in this world can be accomplished by sheer skill or effort... Most of the time it's not up to you whether you get in or not... It's about making the times when the ball's in your court count. I realised after talking to Pek Ya at the old SMU/new NUS law faculty that last time the degree was a path to a so-called "comfortable" life as a professional... But now u got degree, i got degree, everyone also have degree... So what if u work so hard just to get to uni? No point. It's working hard IN uni that counts =)

This one's quite funny too... Although the tallest blade of grass may get the most sunshine, it's also the most likely to get cut down. Actually this saying is flawed... Grass doesn't die from being cut.

This describes someone Henry, Qi Sheng, Sara, Eugene, KangWen, Darren, Daniel Hui, Aston and myself know very well...Why can't u do like the next pic?

I mean, even though I respect you're tenacity and all... BUT it makes life THAT much more inconvenient for the rest of us...

BRING IT ON!!! ORD LOH in 3 weeks or less. I'm sorry, but the ham chi way of wayanging your way around and making people think you're SO hardworking when actually you're equally if not more slack than me just doesn't work for me. BE A MAN: DO THE RIGHT THING.

Gotham Penthouse

2006-09-03T09:00:00.000-07:00

I went to Gotham Penthouse on Saturday night. The name evokes childhood memories of Batman, and the sleaziness of gangster shows...

I met Clemster and Hendry at Clarke Quay MRT at 10ish, then walked a short distance along the Singapore river across the bridge and to Clarke Quay... The stupid NUS printed the location of the place wrongly, causing us to walk all the way to Liang Court to eat MacDonalds before finding the place.

Supposed to have FHM models serving drinks... But they only sell Tequila shots in syringes for $8... Anyways I didn't think they were that chio or anything... They were quite short... anyway there were only 2 of them that I saw... then there were these two irritating women who kept trying to "seduce" us to buy 5 bottles of beer for $50. Now as there were only 3 of us, this deal is sucky... But they kept coming to ask us to buy like the whole night...

The dancefloor is quite smallish, but bigger than the tiny dancefloor at Club MoMo. It's about the size of the common area. It was quite packed full of people by the time we started dancing. Clemster and I danced, but Hendry pang seh us haha! The music was good though... Really feel like dancing there...

we left at about 2 cos Hendry and I had Church the next morning... The fun part about ending clubbing at Clarke Quay (MOS/Gotham) is that we sit on the bridge and talk cok...

Clemster asked: "why do girls like to go clubbing?"

I've seriously no idea either. Please enlighten me.

Job 31:1

2006-09-01T21:13:00.000-07:00

To remind myself of the covenant.

"I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl."-Job 31:1.

Single people can still be pure. God demands 100% purity. Would you drink a bottle of water that said 98% pure mineral water, 2% sewage?

Teaching Clement

2006-08-28T02:10:00.000-07:00

MoMo/MoNey

2006-08-26T08:19:00.000-07:00

Went to Momo on Thursday. Was quite cool cos the entry age is normally 23 for guys, 21 for girls... Clubbing is one big fat waste of time and money... It seems cool at first to tell everyone ur going clubbing, so that you seem like one of the "cool" people who chiong... But chionging is actually bad for you.
1. You get smoked out during clubbing... Increased risk of pulmonary diseases
2. It costs a LOT. Thanks Gerald! for buying 2 jugs of Bourbon Coke, which 4 of us proceeded to drink Haha! Will miss u lots when u go Canadian! But it cost like $35.
3. Unless you're Aston, no one really gets laid after clubbing... Especially if you look like me. Haha!

Saw some of the UK bound ppl there (duh it's called UK Bound) like muscular Colin and Agnes Lim (btw the last guy was Yu Wei)... LSE Terence had flown off to have his long holiday... My Edinburgh ppl all pang seh me hahaha... Cos the medicine girls don't club, and the guys wouldn't be clubbing without the girls right? So it's just me going cos Ling Ching invited me... haha Thanks=)!

MoMo would be nicer if the dark dance room was more filled with people. As it was, only a small square near the bar was filled with people, mostly those going to the UK either for first years or second... But there's a second compartment that Agnes didn't see (haha!) that has a live band inside... It's equally smoky and unhealthy, but the interesting thing is that there's a live band... Gerald requested for "Superman" by Three Doors Down (i think), to which the stupid singer was like... erm we'll play ur song later... stupid guy he just didn't know how to play it... But have to give him credit for his showmanship...

After that, went to some place off Clarke Quay to chill until 6 when the mrts and buses restart... cos i was quite broke and Teng Soon also haha... I'll really miss the times when we'd just sit at some scenic place and chill... Teng Soon dude i hope u'll realise money isn't everything... I know if u read my blog u'll probably come and flame me or something... But i hope 10 years down the road when I come back for a visit we can still meet up with Yu Wei and Weili and whoever else and sit along the Singapore River and throw stones into it to see who can throw the furthest... which is what we did that night... Enjoyed talking cok to them also...Talking about life, school, the future, etc... it's these outings that I'll cherish the longest. Along with eating Bak Chor Mee.

Sunday I went for the last part of this talk by this guy that Teng Soon brought me to.. He's supposed to be some network marketing genius... But all i saw was like a guy who knows how to use his "reputation" to make people idolise him... a roaring ah beng who can't speak for nuts... People just cling to his every word... I admit I too was sort of lured into it... But i realised that he's just selling hope that somehow, by attending his superlong talk, the people listening will become rich. DREAM ON. I had hoped to go to East Coast with my friends, but this stupid guy took so long just to get his basic points across that it was 7 plus when i told Teng Soon i wanted to leave... he's seemingly drawn into this whole thing as well... The guy was darn irritating lah... he's some crass rude idiot... and he scolds people for no reason, but for some reason the whole audience just laughs... and people stand on their seats and sing along as he wastes their time singing stupid karaoke songs... not as if u sing along so enthusiastically money will just drop from the sky for u... Teng Soon said u won't be able to sleep during his lectures... I nearly did, barring the fact that Teng Soon was nice enough to translate some of the stuff he said for me. I appreaciate your getting the ticket for me for free=) and inviting me and translating for me... But i guess i just think this guy's not worth listening to.

My dad told me don't waste my time going to these talks... If they really knew how to invest in stocks and shares they wouldn't be talking to you... Which is true. Teng Soon said it's cos this guy loves to educate people to make money. Of course u'll love educating people if all u do is shout at them and they obediently reply "shi4" or "dong3" at every stupid thing u say... like his stock tips were like pulled from the sky and the audience just ate it up like mindless NSFs... maybe army should try doing this system... reward $1 per obedient answer... He's just seeking to feel important, and he gets it from these seminars... What he has to say I didn't think was very new... My dad's very wise sometimes, I realise. He said might as well read from the book by Peter Lynch, who made all his money in stocks, than listen to a network marketer boast about his stocks... The guy never said how much he earned from them anyway... And people of his character as far as i can see, shouldn't really be playing stocks...

Teng Soon, I know you're trying to intro me to a whole new world, and I know you're a real true-as-steel friend who wants to help... But I don't think this "new world" is something I want to get into if the members of it are like the guy speaking. I hope you understand that as your friend, I'm advocating extreme caution here.

The Bible's teaching is really true. It is impossible to serve both God and money. You cannot serve two masters... I'm not advocating foolishly spending, cos that's misusing the funds that God has entrusted to your stewardship. I'm just saying that if you idolise money so much, like what the speaker was suggesting the people do, then it's the saddest thing because you leave no room for God to work, which is the most important thing EVER.

"What does it profit a man to gain the whole world, but lose his soul?"

Now that my air tickets have been settled, I'm looking forward to the 23rd of September with a mix of apprehension and excitement... Going to fly through Frankfurt... On the one hand, it means i ORD LOH!!! practically cos when i come back it's OFF CLEARING time... but it means i start my overseas stint... I have to step out of my comfort zone and plunge into the sea... It's just 3 weeks more... Sigh.

I'll miss everyone!!

But not those who're trying to screw up my ORD plans.

Fireworks

2006-08-14T10:40:00.000-07:00

According to some story i heard somewhere, fictional or otherwise, the Chinese invented fireworks around 581-907. (if u don't believe, go http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fireworks#History)

Common firework shows are Guy Fawkes Day in the UK

Remember, remember the fifth of November.

Gunpowder, treason, and plot.

I see no reason why gunpowder treason

Should ever be forgot.

New Year's eve, and National Day...

So it's pretty rare, especially in Singapore, where pyrotechnics are outlawed, and it's an offence to carry spent shells out of range, to see fireworks or explosives of any kind.

Thus, when they announced that they were having fireworks on 4 separate days, I thought I should go check out the free show haha cheapskate me...

The first night I went not knowing what to expect... But then there was this mega jam all the way from somewhere in Little India, which I passed by on my way from camp... I hate being stuck in jams...brings out the worst in ppl... I was trying hard to control myself, already being late for dinner and all... sorry Sherman if i said anything... when you start driving and get stuck in stupid jams when you're late you'll understand... so i eventually got to under the sheares bridge and dropped Sherman off... he was kind enough to sms after 10 minutes asking if i'd got a parking place... I'd reached Raffles City, and had parked illegally at the side of the road haha! like all the other Singaporeans, out of the car and watching the show... Which was slightly disappointing cos I couldn't see the stupid ground level cos of the Durian... Sherman's blog said I dropped him off and (please conjure own ending).

To fill in (please conjure own ending), I met Evey, watched the upper half of the fireworks blocked by the stupid Durian for 5 minutes, then went to Newton, where I got fleeced by stupid sambal stingray for stupid tourists, and owe Evey $10, and went home.

The second night was better... I was better prepared, so I went by MRT... which was pretty much jam-packed... BUT i managed to see the ground level fireworks by Team Singapore... pretty impressive... see Sherman's blog for videos... met Gerry and her friend to watch together... and met Conrad, from BMT, whom I haven't seen in like 1.5 years... Couldn't recognise him with hair... But he's a cool guy lah... Gerry's friend is a journalism student in the US on an SPH scholarship... I wonder what'll happen when he comes back... but he's a cool guy too!

The third night was quite meaningful cos I brought my sister to watch... I'm leaving home soon, for like 6 years... And I'm veryvery sure I'll miss my sister a LOT... as much as I'll miss my parents... My dear, quiet, nice sister... You never failed to show me love and concern, even though I didn't know how to treat you well... I wish I could stay on, help you through JC and Uni... But I believe God didn't put me into NUS for a good reason...just that I can't figure it out yet... In His time, not mine... And I just pray very very hard that you will find what you want to do in life, and find peace and love and joy and experience God... I sometimes don't notice you at home, but when I left home for BMT, I felt sorely the lack of your presence and your comforting words...

But then I got stucked at the stupid Padang and the stupid Durian blocked my view of the stupid ground level fireworks AGAIN. I shouldn't have driven...

The fourth night, Ali and Shermywermy called me one after another to call me to find out if I was with the "RJ mei mei" as Shermy calls her... that dumbass... But guess where I was when they called me?

Driving to camp.

Sian Ji BUa.

Jesus walks

2006-08-09T09:03:00.000-07:00

Now is a time of testing.

I love you just the way you are...

Ramblings

2006-07-25T09:23:00.000-07:00

Haha was reading my old post about not being able to sleep... It's funny, cos now I can't sleep again, for the same stupid reason...

I realise it WAS a REAL miracle that I witnessed when God got me into Edinburgh... And I renew the commitment I made to do something more for God with the blessings that He has showered me with... good home, good family, passing driving, ok education, getting into Edinburgh uni...

And now again I find myself having to trust that God knows best, and that God will be able to get me into Edinburgh though I have to miss a month of school... But He's been faithful before as always, and I'll definitely trust Him more this time...

I'm not able to just put off thinking about leaving now... I'm definitely leaving Singapore in 2 months time... And hopefully I can come back before I graduate, just to visit... I think I may find that other countries may not accept me as readily as I thought, and that I may still end up here... But for the greater part of the next 6 years or more, depending on whether I get into the US or not, I'll not be in Singapore...

Argh just watched an episode of Scrubs where 3 ppl died and the doctors had to deal with the deaths... so depressing... i hope i'll have a good mentor who'll teach me to get through that...

Stop doing this SHIT

2006-07-21T21:00:00.000-07:00

LIKE DUH I also can be President of US...."Just tell Syria, Lebanon, Iran, Israel, Hezbullah, Hamas, Al-Qaeda, -insert random middleeast country/group- to STOP doing this SHIT and it's over..."

If it were so easy, wouldn't Mr Olmert or Mr Bin Laden have done it already?

In fact, just send me as a representative of the US to the G8. Then I don't have to burn ALL my weekends for no reason.

The CNN reporter is super cool! Dry sarcasm...

So THIS is the deepest insight into the American view of the current MiddleEast crisis...

No wonder everything's in a mess.

WHATEVER

2006-07-15T21:31:00.000-07:00

WHATEVER

Shakespeare

2006-07-14T01:55:00.000-07:00

FIRST CLOWN

What is he that builds stronger than either the
mason, the shipwright, or the carpenter?

SECOND CLOWN

The gallows-maker; for that frame outlives a
thousand tenants.

Sucky

2006-07-13T23:39:00.000-07:00

1. Kang Wen has 2 phones.

2. He doesn't pick up the 1st phone, which i kept calling during dinner with Jeremy

3. As a result, I can't stay over

4. Turns out he wants to switch, but he didn't pick up the phone.

KNNBCCB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!@#@%$$#@%$Y 765c

Racism you Charlie Brown (CB)

2006-07-10T08:25:00.000-07:00

Racism is bad... I realise that... Yet somehow it seems like it's just so easy to fall into the temptation of discriminating unfairly against people...

I saw the ad in the newspaper for "the world's fastest Indian"...

And I thought it was like one of those stupid jokes we used to tell...

Q:what do you call an Indian in a rolls royce

A:a chaffeur

My sincerest apologies to my Indian friends... it's just like so AC subculture... Indians are seriously zai... LIke the physics pro who showed the whole LT back when we were struggling to understand the concept of capacitance... Or like the roti prata ppl... or 3SG Jiv n Jay who're SOLDIERS OF THE MONTH... No offence meant at all...

I was joking with Wayne

Q:what's the world's fastest Indian?

A:A ferrari chaffeur

Wayne came up with something better: the flight attendant!

HAHAHA lol lame we are...

Sigh it's high time i stopped making these kind of stupid crude jokes... It's not fair to the Indians... and when I go to Edinburgh, I'll be a minority too...

Jesus said, "do unto others what you would have others do unto you. "

and He also said, "love your neighbour as yourself"

therefore, racism is fundamentally quite wrong... it's kinda common sense too, do unto others what you would have others do unto you... though u may not be like "re-paid" immediately... but the habit built up is dangerous...

Haha went to Island Creamery with Ali and Sherman. For all pics and info, chexk out their blogs. I can't be bothered to blog about it, except that in my defence i'm practicing keeping my expenses down for when i have to go overseas, and i don't have a scholarship unlike SOME PEOPLE. My unfotogenic face is shown too, looking uncannily like a scarecrow.

I feel like Charlie Brown...

Charlie Brown has this enormous crush on the "little girl with red pigtails", but being Charlie Brown, he can't bring himself to go up to her and tell her he likes her...

So he sits on the sidelines, waiting to win his first trophy or his first baseball game... and his first trophy has his name spelt wrong and just when he's about to make the game winning catch the ball drops out of his glove into Snoopy's mouth...

Somehow he always embarasses himself too... Like the answer to why there's so much rain in New Jersey is because they have so many clouds.

But Charlie Brown is somehow imbued with Optimism x 100000000.

I believe that's the hidden message Charles Schultz wants people who feel like Charlie Browns to take back... It doesn't matter how many times he says "i can't stand it...i just can't stand it..." the next strip he's up and at it again...

Charlie Brown is not suicidal. He does not question his religion, not even when the most aggravating things happen, when he seems to be devoid of hope. It's what i need to learn from Charlie Brown.

Chexk this out!

2006-07-04T07:19:00.000-07:00

Read out loud the text inside the triangle below.

More than likely you said, "A bird in the bush," and........ if this IS what YOU said, then you failed to see that the word THE is repeated twice! Sorry, look again.

Haha quite cool how e brain plays trix on us... I couldn't see the second "THE" too... Nice one Gavin!

BTW, to all the AUGUST ORD ppl like Gavin, Gerald, Wong Keng, Alwyn, Daniel Lim, Wei1 Yang2 n Alex, CONGRATS!!!

Next round is MY TURN HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Wisdom Tooth

2006-06-27T14:54:00.000-07:00

I'm taking out my wisdom tooth (left) on Thursday. I'll be on mc till next Thursday. It's giving me jaw pain and headaches.

Disruption

2006-06-24T16:12:00.000-07:00

I can't believe how many times this stupid thing has crossed my mind or been written about.

It's wasting my energy, causing me to hate Singapore.

I realise that SAF is necessary.

Now, 4 months before ORD, I accept that I have no choice.

But it's hard to "forgive" NUS.

I've been griping about this thing long enough.

My mother told me the day you forgive NUS and SAF, with God's help, will be the day when the letter comes that says you can disrupt.

I'll pray and hope so.

Wake me up when September ends. Hopefully I'll be in Edinburgh, not in Singapore.

Ladders

2006-06-15T14:57:00.000-07:00

I read something on Jia Hui's blog that I felt was quite interesting:

Guys - relationships with the opposite sex are like on ONE ladder. the lowest rung is starting out with being friends, and the top level is to become boyfriend and girlfriend.

Gals - there are TWO ladders, one of which is the same as the guys', but there's another ladder on which the lowest rung and top rung are both remaining as just friends, and those on this ladder cannot be more than just friends, no matter how much they climb.

I just realised that Singapore has like 10000 "Jia Hui"s.

Sian Ji Bua and seeking-christ

2006-06-15T03:58:00.000-07:00

Hmmmm... It's funny how my blog is being read... I didn't believe anyone would want to read about my thoughts when I first started the blog a few months back during a period of enforced insomnia...

I would still like to be a missionary doc, but yeah, it's definitely quite hard, i've a debt to repay to my parents... But there's always this dilemma that I think I mentioned in one of my earlier posts... How do you balance the need to earn back what you spent because NUS rejected you, and the desire to serve God in missions? It's definitely hard, and a question I have yet to think of the answer... On the one hand, pragmatists say it's not possible, while on the other hand, I realise that it's going to be quite a challenge... It's something I've got to sort out with God... These views are very idealistic, I know... I want to earn back for my parents at least what they spent on my education, but I don't think I want to worry about having a big house, lamborghini, etc etc... At least that's my position for now...

What does it profit a man to gain the whole world, but lose his soul?

Anyway, maybe I should explain why I called this blog Sian Ji Bua, and it's URL is seeking-christ.blogspot.com.

When I started the blog, I was angry at something which I couldn't change, which was externally forced upon me, which if I were a single entity, without a family, I would never accept. But because this whole system has stuck me in, I cannot run away from this trap that I am in. Thus, instead of being angry, I became SIAN JI BUA. I was having enforced insomnia as well. What's more, I can't explicitly mention what it is that has been forced upon me.

Gavin asked me, "have you found Christ yet?"

I should've answered "yes, I believe I have, He lives in my heart". We can only see Him with the eyes of our heart for now, and when we go to heaven, and our sinful flesh is left behind. He is alive now, seated at the right hand of the Father, but because of our sinfulness and God's holiness, we cannot see Him directly... That is what I believe.

I think seeking Christ is not an indication that I have not found Christ. Rather, it is an admission that I am imperfect, that I am still seeking His holiness and to be like Him. Perhaps it would've been clearer if I had entitled my blog seeking-to-be-like-Christ, but I think that it's also a continual process, to seek after Christ each and every day. It's like calling up a friend. In a way, that's like seeking your friend. And Christ, who is my master and my friend, will answer.

Perhaps also at the point of time I created the blog, I felt spiritually very dry and empty. I was being put through the waiting for Edinburgh, and also there was a habitual sin that was keeping me from knowing God and Christ fully. I wanted to journal my spiritual journey, which I find, as I look back on the previous posts, has led me a lot closer to God... I hope the glow never fades, that I will continue to walk closer and closer to God, because I can never humanly do everything myself, but must seek to let God reveal Himself to me.

Money and Family

2006-06-04T15:48:00.000-07:00

Hebrews 13:5-6 (New International Version)

5Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,
"Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you."^[a] 6So we say with confidence,
"The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?"^[b]

^{I was just chatting to Yi Fang last night on msn, about how it's ironic that though we put down in our personal statements asking for entry to medical school in the UK that money is not the main reason for our wanting to be doctors, the crazy high tuition fees invariably suggests that we have to take a more practical approach to money...}

I just hope that that doesn't happen...that the love of money never takes hold of me... Because it can. And because NUS rejected me, my parents have to fork out quite a large sum... My dad's going to sell his shares in Sarin, which is a blue chip stock... just to get the starting capital to pay for the first 2 years there... what with the crazy accommodation prices and all... I'll definitely end up sharing rooms one lah... which is cool actually... =) But the point is, these shares are like his retirement fund... I suppose it puts a lot of pressure on me to come back and support him, which I definitely will... But also it pressures me to perform...

Life seems like an endless struggle to perform, like being a chimpanzee on a stage...

The only thing that keeps me sane is the knowledge that I am a child of God, that He Loves me and is Always beside me, watching over me and guiding my path...

"The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid."

I don't know what awaits me in Edinburgh. I don't know how I'm going to get through 6 years on my own, without my family's support... But I pray that I will be content with what I have, which is loving parents and a good family...

A few months back, Warrant Jimmy told me an interesting fact: when our brains listen to male voices, the part of the brain which is activated deals with mathematics, but when our brains decode the female voice, the part of the brain activated deals with music.

Which i thought was quite true... during BMT the best part of the day was either ice cream, or calling out at night... The first few weeks, I always called Zaneta or Christabelle, wanting to hear the music of their voices.

However, when I fell ill, and got very depressed to the point of contemplating suicide, I realised that these aren't as near as important as family. I realise now that my dad's way of showing his love and care and concern was to tell me to do things, which I felt was irritating, like an extra sergeant or whatever... But now I realise that he's so willing to sacrifice for me, and I've misjudged him cruelly... most of what he said was good sound advice, unlike what Christabelle had to tell me (no offence though, I enjoyed talking to her) and family were the people who carried me through, not friends.

I missed Gabby, my big brother... but I believe now that God took him away to Imperial London to drive me closer to my family...

God

2006-06-03T02:21:00.000-07:00

I believe that God can be found by anyone who is willing to come clean with Him... I believe that Jesus is just waiting for us to confess our sins, and He will come into our lives with power and give us the gift of His Holy Spirit...

The analogy given me is one I shall remember well...

At the end of Sembawang Road, there's a little stretch of beach there. Because of the fact that there's a shipyard just off the beach to the left, the water's tremendously dirty, and it keeps throwing onto the beach the miscellaneous rubbish that one would associate with East Coast Park...

As I did my prayer walk the last morning I was able to attend Church camp, I sensed that what God has done with my sin is like cleaning all the dirt from the browning green water... I thought something was seaweed, when actually it was a cloud of dirt... and only Jesus' blood can do it... If anyone else tried, it'd be like as if I tried to clean up the water... Which, by the way, is impossible, in case you haven't realised.

Inside the sea, is hidden all the trash. The waves are God's way of washing up the trash onto the beach and revealing them to us... Our secret sins are the same, pretty much. So we gather them up, and can choose whether to turn them over and let God get rid of it... it's not a perfect analogy, though, but pretty much the concept is there...

In a home in the UK, there is a garden. If you went to this garden, you would realise that there's a circular patch of grass which is not properly connected to the rest of the grass. You pull up the patch, and realise that underneath the grass is a hole filled with bottles, old shoes, trash etc...

It's the same thing...

Only God can reveal and take away the secret sins that we hide...

If we let Him...

I believe that God works in mysterious ways, but always He calls each and everyone to salvation... How we respond may be different, but He still patiently calls and calls...

If I wasn't called back because of the inflexibility of SOME PEOPLE, to be on shift at night, I wouldn't have been depressed (though it's wrong) during the teaching session, and I wouldn't have sought prayer with Mrs Karen Burnett afterwards... Though I was very irritated at first, I realise that it was God's way of turning me away from the superficial games etc that I would have descended into had I not been called back...

In a way I'm glad I was called back. Because I believe I got anointed by God's Holy Spirit because of our prayers... Sometimes, we try to fill our lives with rushing around trying to find God, like all the activities in camps, etc, but the ones who really gain would be those who take time to listen carefully, and ask for prayer... God is always there, waiting for us. If only we stop running around, and listen, like Mary to Jesus.

Ailene, I'm sorry I waterbombed you, but haha you had it coming from everyone... we were planning to get u from a long time back... And you tried to grind my foot into the ground lah... Gosh you're SO heavy lor...

Haha Valentia I just threw the flour/cake/grass mix at you cos you were screaming so much... anyway it didn't stick at all, which sucked haha... But quite sporting of u to chase me around... Actually on hindsight I should've thrown it at Stephanie...she screamed the MOST. And she wouldn't have chased me... Her rugger bf would've tackled me i guess... but I should be able to run faster than him...

That was fun.

This SUCKS

2006-05-28T21:05:00.001-07:00

So that's it. Just like that, all my plans that I've so carefully thought out, and just waiting to come to fruition, down the drain. All cos somebody decides "hey, why don't we send some troops to some place which called us small before?"

I guess I wouldn't mind if this were some shift system for doing duties at a hospital, which is probably what i'll have to do 5 years down the road... BUT it's a shift system for doing the most utterly mundane stupid things that benefits NO ONE and is just serving to waste my time... I mean, at a hospital, I'd probably be doing some mundane crap also, but I know it contributes to saving ppl, or at least making their last hours better...

Mr Tan Chye Ping was trying to convince me about the attitude towards the 2 years spent in NS, saying like "if u look upon it as a waste of 2 years, then it WILL become a waste of 2 years". While I really appreciate Mr Tan's experience and his life view, and I'm really very grateful for his willingness to try and share it with me, I can't seem to see ANYTHING i can learn from being stuck in that stupid place just counting the hours till I can be off duty... Only thing I can learn is patience, I guess...

No one really knows what the future holds...you can plan and plan, and just like that, 2 or 3 days before the thing materialises, POOF it's gone in a puff of smoke. I don't even know what the future holds for me after I graduate from Medical School... The UK is another STUPID BACKWARD IRRITATING country... with RETARDED policies.... BUt at least in the UK the MPs DARE TO SPEAK UP FOR THEIR CITIZENS, unlike a certain "little red dot" which tries so desperately to "help" others because it was called unhelpful in the past... It's all part of the red dot's GRAND MASTERPLAN to say I TOLD YOU SO LOSER!

So of course, kudos ALWAYS goes to the top ppl. The bottom ppl absorb the shit.

So What if You can say Ha! EAT YOUR WORDS=P! Your economy's in a rut, a dead end, your people are cowered, jobs are lacking, and our leader...well...

I'm very very sorry for the people who've lost their homes and loved ones in the quake. I offer my deepest condolences to you. I feel for the people trapped under the rubble and debris... The numbers keep on rising, and the hospitals are overloaded... While I can never fully understand the magnitude of the destruction and chaos there, I think you could at least go in with the motivation of helping people there, and NOT showing off to the world that your token wayang army is able to do something to help.

Please. They tried to sell to the OCS ppl the NUS medicine scholarship... saying blablabla... you go on humanitarian missions etc... YEAH RIGHT they seriously don't know the MEANING of "humanitarian".

Waltzing Matilda

2006-05-23T00:22:00.000-07:00

That's it man...I'm going to become Australian after I graduate from Edinburgh... Love their DEFIANCE OF AUTHORITY...

"Once a jolly swagman camped by a billabong,
Under the shade of a coolibah tree,
And he sang as he watched and waited 'til his billy boiled
"Who'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me?"

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
Who'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me
And he sang as he watched and waited 'til his billy boiled,
"Who'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me?"

Along came a jumbuck to drink at the billabong,
Up jumped the swagman and grabbed him with glee,
And he sang as he stowed that jumbuck in his tucker bag,
"You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me".

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
Who'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me
And he sang as he stowed that jumbuck in his tucker bag,
"You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me?".

Up rode the squatter, mounted on his thoroughbred,
Down came the troopers, one, two, three,
"Whose is that jumbuck you've got in your tucker bag?"
"You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me".

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
Who'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me
"Whose is that jumbuck you've got in your tucker bag?",
"You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me?".

Up jumped the swagman, leapt into the billabong,
"You'll never catch me alive," said he,
And his ghost may be heard as you pass by the billabong,
"Who'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me".

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
Who'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me
And his ghost may be heard as you pass by the billabong,
"Who'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me?""

EDINBURGH!!!

2006-04-14T03:09:00.000-07:00

I write this post to tell of my AWESOME GOD, who IS and WAS and always WILL BE a GOD OF MIRACLES!!!

It started from the year of our Lord two thousand and five, when I was rejected for a place in the National University of Singapore(NUS) after attending an interview. I had prayed that if God willing, I would get into NUS. But I didn't. After doing my research, I applied to Australia, Ireland and the UK. I applied to King's College London, St. George's Medical School, University of Cambridge and University of Edinburgh in the UK.

This concerns the UK and Australia more, though Ireland does come in.

The costs for doing medicine overseas are prohibitive, something like S$400-500k, because of the additional rent and living costs for an overseas student. Thus, my parents wanted to be sure that I was making the right decision in pursuing medicine... I wasn't too sure myself, because who can be so ABSOLUTELY sure at the age of 18-19 that they can be a good doctor? I have my reasons for wanting to do medicine, and i have faith that they are good ones-but that's for another post.

So anyway, my parents prayed about this, and my mum, to whom God has given the gift of being able to see pictures, or visions after attending the Wholeness through Christ seminar last year, had a dream of God telling her that "Luke was a physician"(the gospel writer) and "he shall lead my people out of Egypt"(ref: Moses?) after praying about whether this was the right choice for me. Right after she woke up from the dream in the morning, the University of New South Wales rang up and said that they'd be willing to offer me a place in their Medicine course without having to sit for the ISAT (International Students Admissions Test), and offered me a phone interview. Which is wonderful confirmation that I believe was sent by God, of the dream that my mother had.

Thereafter, my parents prayed about which school and which country I was to go to. This is the miraculous part. My mother had a vision/picture of a scotsman, in a kilt, and the bagpipes and cap. As she was wondering and asking God what the scotsman symbolised, she saw the word 'Edinburgh'. What makes it miraculous is that she did not know at the time that I had applied to Edinburgh, cos I didn't tell her(as usual).

After much time (about 10 months), during which God was gracious and granted me a place in the University of New South Wales and the University of Melbourne (though I had to drop Melbourne cos the army didn't let me disrupt), I reached Holy Week, 2006. By this time, almost all the doors in the UK were closed to me. Cambridge rejected me after interview, King's rejected me outright, and I had to withdraw from St. George's because they needed me to go over for an interview.

On the Saturday before Palm Sunday, I received a letter telling me that Trinity College Dublin was unable to offer me a place. This was quite depressing as all the doors in the UK were closed to me, except the ONE door that I held on to the faith that God would open for me. Trinity College Dublin, by the way, takes people based on their grades, and they have 60 places available. I would have thought that it would be a good chance to get in, but I believe it is God who closed the door to that route.

Thus, I was quite depressed during the week, because I knew the odds for Edinburgh medicine were like 7000 people applying for 16 places cos of the UK government quota. On Maundy Thursday morning, I got Sanjiv to help me check UCAS, cos I didn't feel like checking it myself, but Jiv and Jay always pressure me to do so (thanks!:D )When I logged in, the sentence in bold that normally says 'your application has been sent for consideration' now said 'please reply to your offers before XXXX(date)', and the next screen said 'CONDITIONAL OFFER' TO EDINBURGH!!! The moment was too wonderful... GOD has always been looking after me, and GOD has been behind the scenes to help me, and He has been wonderful in His Grace and Mercy to reveal to me about Edinburgh at a time when I was feeling most down and depressed... I shed tears of joy...

I now believe TOTALLY that God's timing is better than mine, and He knows much better than me what I need, which is not the same as what I want. All the time waiting, all the doubts and fears, plus the fact that all the doors had closed JUST before Edinburgh replied, in the middle of Holy Week too!!! My God is a Living God who answers prayers!!! I prayed that the correct door would open and the others would close, and that is EXACTLY what happened! All He required from me was just to have a little faith, as small as a mustard seed, and mountains have moved... Now I go forward with the conviction that God is looking out for each and every one of us, wherever we may be, and He wants the best for all of us... At your darkest hour, God always comes through to rescue you, and
His timing is Perfect.

Remember, Remember the 5th of November

2006-03-27T22:44:00.000-08:00

Remember, Remember the 5th of November
Gunpowder, treason and plot.
I see no reason why the gunpowder treason
should ever be forgot.

Internal rhyme and rhyme every two lines... English poetry is very beautiful, if only to jio za bo like V in V for Vendetta... He got Natalie Portman! How powderful is that!

But there's another reason why it's interesting...5th of November is ORD day!
Haha sorry to all those ppl reading my blog who ORD later than that...

V for Vendetta uncannily reminds me of Singapore... black bagging political activists... an atmosphere of fear of terrorist attack... tweaking and manipulation of the lives of "less important" citizens... the very saddening thing is its depiction of the moral stagnation within the church of England, and the depiction of religion as an excuse for extremism... hope that never applies to Singapore...

Narnia

2006-03-26T14:41:00.000-08:00

Wonder if the vcd for Narnia is out yet? I haven't been shopping around cd stores lately... Most of the time it's just watching the movie in the cinemas or on Star Movies haha... Or asking friends to download... But I really really want to watch it again... Very inspiring stuff... Was discussing with Paul Elsa Evelyn n Valentia yesterday...Thanks for the ice cream treat btw! It was DELICIOUS! haha I suppose what they said is true...that it really is all the more inspiring if you look at it from a Christian perspective... All the critics who say it's too religiously slanted have missed the point of the whole series...it's MEANT to be a religious allegory thingus... They're just critical over nothing lah... But after watching the movie I was SO inspired to do things for God... need that kind of FIRE... haha even called Zanet to talk about it hahaZ that was quite funny, now i think about it...

I risk getting caught up in the mundaneness of life... I don't really like clubbing, but I don't mind going new places... like Ministry of Sound... Need to get friends to go soon... haha... hopefully when the queues are SHORTER... My parents and I drove past at around 7 plus and there was ALREADY a queue!! CRAZY thing....

Was reading Nicholas' blog... real cool stuff there! I guess NS's a time where Faith is grown... especially when ur forced to do things u would never want to do outside... like confinement, or guard duty, or turnouts, or route marches...the list goes on...

Still waiting for Edinburgh... But now i'm wondering if i should apply for NUS dentistry...I don't expect the reply to come in yet, but the NUS deadline for apps is 1 April... The funny thing is, before Saturday, when Dr Winston Tan was talking about Dentistry, i looked on it in disdain... But i guess my reasons for doing dentistry may not be correct...

Lifesong

2006-03-26T14:27:00.000-08:00

Empty Hands held high
Such Small sacrifice
If not joined with my life
I sing in vain tonight

May the words I say
And the things I do
Make my lifesong sing
Bring a smile to you

Chorus:
Let my lifesong sing to You
Let my life song sing to You
I want to sign your nameto the end of this day
Knowing that my heart was true
Let my lifesong sing to You

Lord, I give my life
A Living sacrifice
To reach a world in need
To be your hands and feet
So may the words I say
And the things I do
Make my lifesong sing
Bring a smile to you

Chorus:
Hallelujah, Hallelujah,Let my lifesong sing to You

-Lifesong, Casting Crowns

I wanna play this song for worship! Really speaks about living life for God, let the song of your life sing to Him...

Haha

2006-03-24T15:31:00.000-08:00

26 But not so with you. Rather, let the greatest among you become as the youngest, and the leader as one who serves.

Sigh.

My Utmost for His Highest

2006-02-22T15:34:00.000-08:00

The only way to be obedient to "the heavenly vision" is to give our utmost for His highest— our best for His glory. - Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest.

Oswald Chambers was born in Aberdeen, Scotland in 1874. He studied at Edinburgh University and then answered the call to Christian Ministry. He's well known for his writing of My Utmost for His Highest.

To give one's utmost for His glory...is a high calling indeed... But it is only when we truly surrender all that we selfishly desire for ourselves, and wholeheartedly give the best we can for God that His glory can be revealed... Every second of every minute of every hour of every day...

I guess I can thank God for many things...I'm alive's one of them... I have this bad habit of jaywalking, and I've had some close shaves... Ali can prob remember them... after each one i'd sms her feeling quite shaken... And today, my car sprung a leak in the petrol storage somewhere... it was dripping petrol when i topped up to full tank... and when i drove home i thank GOD nothing happened... even though i'm having to take mrt back home, cos by some weird coincidence there're no drivers on duty... Haha but i wouldn't have felt safe to drive anyways...

Met Zanet yesterday... had a really good talk with her... But was about 20 minutes late, cos we were "learning" how to do dalam buka barisan kekanan lurus... that was the fastest i'd driven for a while... not since i was nearly late for night duty... Zanet's been like my counsellor since BMT...really appreciate her help n all... she's always been cheerful and willing to listen... even though i know she's stressed out over lots of things, like her time management, uni homework and other stuff..

Lately I've been having trouble getting to sleeep before 12...SUCKY night duties... it's messing up my body clock... but I guess looking at it from a different perspective, it's a lot better than others doing guard duty, and better than outfield, and better than a lot of other stuff that others have to do and are doing at this moment... And anyway, it's prepping me for houseman years...

Yesterday my dad was telling me about the alternatives to medicine...like doing finance, doing investment Banking... the funny thing was that we started talking about it when in the swimming pool, then on the way home, both of us gradually got of the opinion that it is what's better suited to my character, and what's the better chance for success... By the time I was eating dinner we'd realised that I probably wouldn't like it at all in the finance field... cos i don't have the personality needed to wheel and deal, and to be ruthless when necessary... no offence to financially inclined ppl out there... i mean, you guys have lots of drive and ambition, which is good, but i guess my personality's too "soft"...

My car kena leak petrol liao...dunno which stupid road got so many stone go and bounce and cut the pipe...KNN i just pump $20 of petrol and then become full tank...then my full tank become empty... no wonder i drive only to bukit timah road from airport road then cost like $7 of petrol... plus i'm paying for my own petrol... my mum doesn't want to pay... which is fine, i guess... get some exercise...

i'm getting a bit fatter... stupid Sanjiv/jay so skinny already still going for the weight loss talk haha... wah lao... haha i need to convert the fat to muscle... but everytime got stupid night duty cannot really do anything... think only can swim in the evenings after night duties...

Another Day, Another 2 Dollars

2006-02-07T12:50:00.000-08:00

Hmms...Let Ah Liang try his math... 390/(9*5*4)=390/180=2.162$%$W%&^&(*FHDFRW$#@
Haha. OK this is just a random math problem, trying to train back my math to something like what it was before...

But I suppose I've not much to complain about since my last post, since it's only been 2 days... There's not much fun stuff I can share with ppl about my life... Not like I go rock climbing or clubbing every night... both can be hazardous to your health...

I'm reading the biography of Hudson Taylor, missionary to China... for the longest time this was what I've longed to do... Go out into the world, and spread the good news... But I feel as though my Faith needs rebuilding first... Hopefully if I go overseas, it'll be a good staging point for this, to train my stamina and my resistance to loneliness... But it'll be a BIG jump... and the evil one will definitely attack more... but in GOD I trust, and what is impossible for men SURELY is possible for GOD. He will put His hedge of protection around me, and His angels will encamp around me.

I'm not supposed to write about what I do, so I won't. But some people are just getting on my nerves these days, being so bitchy about small little things like cleaning. On the flip side, I'm really touched by people like George, who take the time to do little things for me that are so nourishing for the soul... I know you must've wanted quite badly to go out and get drinks and food, not to mention fellowship, but you stayed inside with me to pray things over... And people like Ailene and Evelyn who aren't too busy to help me out when I'm feeling down... Sherman too, for writing a nice song for me, though you didn't write it yourself, and I've still no clue what to do..HAHAZ! God Bless all you guys!

I hope one day I could be a blessing to others... I think it's more of just being caring, thinking about others more etc... That's why I want to do Medicine... to be a Blessing to others... not a pain in e ass like some docs I know... Fine I guess... I got the better end of the bargain in this case, though it didn't seem that way at first... it never does...

Hahaa tried to MSN some UK friends at 11 plus...forgot that their time is like 3 plus pm there... so they're probably in lecture or lab or something... HAHA! and my irritating MSN window pops up =) but i wonder if you're in a lecture it's understandable, but why sign into MSN if you aren't intending to answer? Oh HAHA I can think of an answer to my own question, but that's something I don't want to believe anymore...

I wish I didn't have to use Porpor's car.

It deprives her of such a large sense of freedom, a freedom to visit us whenever she likes... It definitely gets lonely at home... I just wish and PRAY that she'll see the one true cure for loneliness...

Midnight

2006-02-05T05:56:00.001-08:00

Haha Terence didn't take you long to find my blog...So I suppose CO's reading it soon... I really shouldn't have linked the blog to anyone's...

Yesterday I was walking down Orchard Road with a group of my HCJC classmates... Was going to see Chingay, apparently cos as Teng Soon put it "Grace is dancing"...
What Bullshit.
Grace doesn't care 2 hoots for me anymore...got too many friends haha...

Anyways, we walked past this guy who was giving out tracts entitled "e-Baal, video gaming"...which is a pretty extreme topic to be preaching to the teens along Orchard Road... I mean, DotA is like the hot thing at the moment... and WOW, AOE III, Gunbound (wahahaa), etc...

And this guy asked me "was that a Christian?"

And I said "yep"

Then he said "f$%^#$ right?"

I should've said "NO WAY"...I should've opened my mouth to defend, not turn away and run... But that's the BIG problem... Like you shouldn't ever be ashamed of Jesus and of His message... The more I thought about it, the more I was ashamed... like Peter...

There's this deep seated fear in me, a fear of rejection... since young, when I was a shy, withdrawn kid and bully magnet... It's something that I wish I could do away with, give to God... I fear all this, but what I can't seem to see at the spur of the moment is that friends may not last forever, but your eternal life, and the eternal God does. Maybe I need to pray everyday, as George told me...I think I should start now...

Oh Lord Jesus, help me come into a personal relationship with You. Please Lord, send Your Holy Spirit in POWER upon my life...

I think I must remember to ask daily... not just for things, but for a relationship with the Creator of All Things... I just hope, like Peter, that Jesus will reinstate me... Lord Jesus, You know that I love you... Let me love with my heart, soul, mind and strength... I want to know You more... Forgive my cowardice...Amen.

Sighs.

Wat the FISH

2006-02-02T03:57:00.000-08:00

Cannot Sleep again!

Today Ah Liang was called up, just to find out that limbeh cannot disrupt. For REAL. Wat the FISH. All the trouble for F@rk. Must wait till after I call up Melbourne, beg for them to extend dedline, get them do for Ah Liang swee sweet, and then in the end tell me cannot go. F@rk! Donch need to go raise my hopes, and den DASH it all... Now cannot sleep person is here. So write blog lor. Sian ji Bua!!!!!! Hope Melbourne if next year I apply go don say, We dowan you keep give us so much trouble, say you cannot then say you can, then we give you offer then you say now cannot again! I pray that it's not so.

Right now, having gone to the toilet and washed my face and brushed my teeth, I realise something amazing...All this complaining about the army not letting me disrupt...It's all part of God's plan, which I believe He in His Mercy and Wisdom has revealed to my mom... The Scotsman, with his kilt, cap and bagpipes, and the word Edinburgh, which my mom didn't even know I applied to... The vision, when mom prayed where I should go, whether I should be a doc... Thank you GOD! You hem me in and protect me, your angels encamp around me, and your will is pleasing and perfect... I'll have faith...the odds are staggering--7000 for 16 places...worse than NUS, which I must begin to commend to God's will... it's nothing short of a miracle if I do get in... but i know, my God is Big, He is a God of Miracles!

I'll have FAITH! Right now, I know my sin is holding me back from knowing His omnipotent Grace better... I wish so much to know Him more, to Love God with my heart, soul, mind and strength, and love my neighbours as myself... I'm sorry Jesus, for pinning You to the cross... Sorry for doubting, and trying to get out of NS... It's for the best, I know, that I don't become a Medical Officer...I'd be the worst behaved doctor ever when I come out of SAF...only House will top my bedside manners...

"You! Malingering! I CHARGE you!"

"No Sir!" the poor recruit, shaking in his Brooks.

"Insubordination some more!"

"n-n-no Sir, I-i-i've really g-got a c-c-ough!"

"fine. now you've told me what i knew you had already. Go out and give this to the medic. Next!"

"but Sir, I've got green phlegm!"

"yah, yah I know. Next!"

And the poor recruit goes out of the room, which incidentally has 3-4 other shivering recruits waiting to be seen. And he has to wait 2-3 hours for his medicine, by which time dinnertime has passed and he goes hungry, only for some kind sergeant to bring him to the mess for dinner...

I've experienced something like this before...bar the part about malingering and insubordination. I believe now that it's for the best that i didn't get into NUS...I dunno...like now, when I think back, I just feel like doing so well, going to the US to specialise and come back to become head of those docs from NUS, or find some new radical medical technique, and then saying to NUS "HA! Bad doctor my ASS!!! Just cos I didn't pull strings to get in!!!"

But that's wrong. I should be a doc cos I want to help others...I want to be a blessing to others, since God has blessed me with much...Sighs...but it's human isn't it? to want to take revenge... God said to Love your enemies, bless those who curse you... So hard to do... I know those OCTs, though they're some of the nicest Christian guys i noe, who say those sergeants who tekan them, when commission they'd better Look OUT!! and I don't blame them... I'd love to be like Bill Gates, who's the boss of those who kicked him out of school... to pay them back...make them long to have accepted me when they had the chance...

But that's wrong...totally... there'll always be those mistreating those under them...the reason why i don't want to be a commander, or i accept the fact that i'm not made a sispec or oct is that i can't bring myself to add to the suffering...and now i probably won't have to...

see, just cos everyone else does so and it feels good! doesn't mean it's good... I suppose I'll have faith...hopefully go Edinburgh, go US/Canada, and stay in Canada... But I don't want to just stay in CAnada and enjoy my blessing without sharing it...Want to go India! Doctors without borders...Go China! Smuggle Bibles in under morphine ampoules... I know it's easy to say this now...but i REally want to do it... if you know me a few years on, remind me of this vision k? The first step is in March, when Edinburgh sends out replies...

Bleagh

2006-01-25T12:56:00.000-08:00

Writing this so late at night...I ought to be sleeping...but i'm forced to stay awake by... my Non-Profit Organisation, protecting those whom I don't even know, and don't give a *hoot about me...the worst part is that there're some, like TT Durai, who suck this Non-Profit Organisation's funds disproportionately to fill their disproportionately large waistlines...like the warchief...what war has he won, pray tell? Have they proven that they can lead in battle? Why should we entrust them with our cash? Our Lives? Oh wait...I guess not...we're only pawns, used for the greater good of the ORGANISATION! Let's just see if war DOES break out who're the first to leave our country in a private C-130...
ME HAHAHAHA!!! yeah RIGHT...i'll have to swim. In the pirate infested S.O.Malacca..hmm maybe should just become a pirate...maybe a pirate doc!

I know I seem like I'm whining again. Its easy to say ppl are whining when u'r not experiencing anything like the absolute torture most of us go through... I know firsthand that it is too easy. The reason why we talk so much about it is we can't help but find release somehow! If we keep it in, like the strong MEN we're supposed to be ALL the time, we'll EXPLODE/BREAK DOWN... I mean, if u can't stand this kind of talk, or don't give a sh*t that ppl are getting yelled at, torn down, worn down, injured and putting lives on the line day after day, then just leave the room or something...

Sian Ji Bua

2006-01-25T12:38:00.000-08:00

Hihi ppl! I just got this blog so I'm now like the thousands of ppl who write stuff that should be in a diary online...guess the only ppl who'll read this blog will be myself and my CO(HAHA!) Watever

Ah Liang is UnabletoDisrupt from stupid Singapore. Ah Liang is not powderful enough for NUS, and since Ah Liang is so chao geng, only serve 1 year 10 months, cannot be disrupt from Singapore! SO Ah Liang has to go UK uni late, or go Aussie uni and go riot at Cronulla! But for now, stuck in Singapore so Sian Zi BUa lor type stupid post in stupid blog!

Actually I just wanted to post something in Sanjiv's blog about his 3-D model of the HIV virus... wonder what life would be like had I gotten into NUS...Always wonder nowadays, specially late during night duties, staring at the coms... I guess it never occurred to me to think about what happens if I got to go overseas to be a doc! like always assumed it was possible to get into NUS... since young... But everything always happens for a reasaon I guess...

Ah Liang is just trying to find peas onli.. Life so meaningless in Singapore... Go kindergarten, then go primary school...study hard, go top top school like that RI or ACS school, then study hard do sport go top top JC like Hwa Chong Ching Chong or Waffles, then after that go Serve And F off and become an Ah Liang england and Genderal Payper all be return to teacher liao! And den after that must study hard hard, become good doktor, get good wife, get good kid, make kid study and play piarno...every father mother in Singapore and everywhere want kids to do well get rich have no fun childhood... and den for wat? Go back to be wif God then riches all turn to dust! Quarrel wif wife and DISCIPLINE kid and make them miserable! All for F*CK??

mightaswell go do something meaningful for others with ur life... and go find God in the process... Make sure God is the most important thing to you, and store up treasures in heaven!

YEp Watever everybardie!!